I rarely give my students homework assignments. It was less than a year ago I was cursing teachers under my breath every time a new paper or project was assigned that would cut into my weekend social calendar (or, for that matter, Twofers at Peggy’s. I mean, what is college life really about anyway? Studying? *Pff*).
The flip side is that going over homework the next week takes up class time. So, it was with a heavy heart that I gave my students their first ever homework assignment in my class. They moaned and groaned, but secretly, I think they were really excited. What a wonderful opportunity to apply their knowledge outside the classroom! They’ll be asking for assignments every week if I’m not careful.
The task was to write their own television commercial. Since I was an advertising major in college, I did a couple lessons helping them analyze and discuss popular American commercials. Then I turned them loose. The following results are the best of the best – the most creative and brilliant minds of China’s youth. You will encounter tragic love tales, epic battles, and quite possibly the end of the world. I have presented these masterpieces in their entirety, complete with spelling and grammatical errors, to give you the full effect.
Note: I have divided this topic into two posts. There were just too many good entries to choose from. This is my selection from the boys’ commercials.
The first commercial reads more like a teaser to the next 007 movie, complete with a crazy, hormone-raging Chinese teenager as the new Bond girl. The author is a shy, scrawny boy in the front row that goes by the name of Mew.
A Commercial for Tuesses (no idea what that is)
Under the darkness, there is a petrol station. In the country. A handsome boy turns to the checkstand when finishes geting petrol to his motorbike. A girl who paid for her car’s petrol just now falls in love with the boy, and she wants to accost him, but she was very shy. She can find no excuse. Suddenly, something rings a bell to her. She takes out a tissue and puts it into the boy’s oil tank, then gets on her car, waiting for something happening. Being blind to this, the boy straddles on his motorbike and drives away, and the girl tails after the boy thoughtfully. Before the boy goes far, his motorbike shuts down. He is totally confused and doesn’t know what to do. At the same time, a small car edges down to him. Is that the girl? What fortune or misfortune will the boy meet with?
At first, I chuckled to myself at the word “accost.” It just doesn’t sound like it fits here. But then I looked up the definition.
Accost: verb (used with object)
1.to confront boldly
2. to approach, especially with a greeting, question, or remark.
3. (of prostitutes, procurers, etc.) to solicit for sexual purposes.
I realized this is actually the perfect word for this scenario. Bravo, Mew. I would love to know the psychotic ex-girlfriend from your past (or your fantasies) who inspired this tale of seduction and sabotage. What misfortune did you meet with, my poor Mew?
Here’s another tragic love story for you. From what I can figure out, this is a commercial for a generic TV show. It is written by Stone, a boy who – I checked – is not in any of my classes.
Li Lei and HanMeimei are classmates in primary school, and they help each other. Li Lei is good at running, playing basketball and so on. Whenever Li Lei is doing exercise, HanMeimei will make notes beside. Gradually, they fall love. One night, HanMeimei said to Li, I love you. But Li Lei refused Han because of Li’s parents. Time flys, 2012, the ending of the world, is coming. Again, Han called Li to say that you can not refuse me this time. Li cried.
In the end of commercial, some words came out, you can miss your lover, but you can not miss our programme.
There is one important lesson we all should learn from this commercial: it would take the end of the world for a Chinese child to defy their parents. Even then, I’m not sure which fate would be scarier.
Apparently, 2012 is a hot topic. It made another epic appearance in a commercial for volcano medicine. I have taken the liberty of titling it myself.
PMS: The Movie
It is reported that the world biggest active volcano is going to explod. And scientists analyse that if the volcano explods, it will lead to the earth without sunlight for a whole year. Thousands of ideas are put forward, but they are not practical. The temperature of the volcano keeps rising. And it seems the real 2012 coming in advance. Everyone is waiting to die. And Everyone is hanging by a hair. Time produces their heroes. But the hero is not a human being. A capsule from outerspace appears above the volcano. Then it opens, the medicine in it drops into the volcano. The temperature begins to fall down. The volcano becomes an extinct volcano and people don’t worry about it anymore.
Something tells me this must be how this boy feels when he goes to the store to buy Midol for his girlfriend every month. Just a guess.
The next boy, Bob, managed to combine cars, hunting, a Michael Bay film, aliens and China into a few sentences.
Red Flag, the national car brand of China.
One day, unknown organisms attack the earth. They makes a big disaster. But the army cann’t resist them. For the earth, the Red Flag become a clay pigeom others cars are Transformers. However, the Transformers aren’t the rival for the foreign organisms. The Red Flag call on other clay pigeom from a far planet. Finally, they save the earth.
I think Bob needs to be a little more careful next time he makes a metaphor between Chinese military technology and clay pigeons. But I like to think of my classroom as a little bubble of free speech, so he’s good – for now.
Brodrick, however, takes the cake for car commericals with his ingenious slogan.
The advertisement for Nokia. indestrutible Background
There is a car named Kia run around the road. In the car, a confidential document is took to adversarial country. The actors’ mission is to destroy the car and kill the enemy.
Part 1: “Hey, Bob, there is the car, put out the arm and shoot him.” John said.
“Okay.” Bob started to ferret his bag. He fits the shells and shoots the car.
Part 2 (after he used up his shells): “Damn, I have ran out of shells,” John said.
“The mission failed,” Bob said.
Finally, Bob took out his Nokia cell phone throw on the Kia and the car destroyed.
“With Nokia, there is no Kia.”
Why Nokia needs to attack another brand in their commercials that is not their competitor, let alone the same products as theirs, I do not know. But it does make for a very memorable tagline.
This last commercial comes from one of my best students, Johnny. Johnny noticed that all Apple products take a rather subtle low blow at his Motherland with their engraving, “Designed by Apple in California. Assembled in China.” So he decided to create a PSA to let the world know what’s up.
Part One: In a wild desert, with the heavy wind blows. A tank rushes with its cannon pointing at a jeep. Then suddenly; the tank destroyes the enemy’s jeep. At last, a slogan is presented on screen. “Designed and made in China.”
Part Two: A sunny day, the sky is so clear that you can’t even see a piece of cloud. Two fighters fly by with the thunder speed. The new type fighter owns charming and technolgically layout so it is inviseable with the Radar Radio. At last, a slogen is presented on screen. “Designed and made in China.”
Part Three: A silver-white battle ship occurs in audience’s eyes. Then, a “sea anti air” missile is launced from the ship. The missile is just like a fire dragon, which dashes to the evil enemy. Then a slogen is presented on screen. “Designed and made in China.”
Above three advertisments are aimed at letting the world know, Chinese wepons are better and better. We will defense any offensive country and not let Chinese people down for ever.
Whoa, heavy stuff there Johnny. I’ll definitely give you props for creativity and patriotism. However, I think I’ll refrain from any other comments, just in case.
More good stuff to come – including the winners of the girls’ commercials and the honorable mentions!